Blogging isn't Cool 4 Sell!

BECAUSE YOU AXED FOR IT !!
Now you can tell the world that you are hip to the hippest blog in the omniverse - Blogging isn't Cool!
T shirts, sweat shirts, tank tops, magnets, mouse pads, coffee mugs - you name it!
Now you can buy more crap & make me rich & famous. I might even splurge & heat up the gruel for the illegal teens I got working in the basement.
Get thee here

Texas

Triple whammy in the Lone Star State. Jade Helm 15, government weaponized weather control experiments and now FEMA. Could it be an O'Bama plot to weaken Texas so Mexico can tack it back?

The Humorless Among Us

Does it really have to be this way? Do bloggers have to show no humour to be taken seriously? The above Tweet (should tweet be capitalised? My style book was written in the 30s) illustrates the predicament when Cincyopolis thinks fans of UrbanCincy are all super serious Utopia designers.
Granted, some of their ideas are hilarious but even seriously you can still have a sense of humour.
Of course my pointing out this obvious fact is pointless because everybody thinks I'm not serious about anything, including the Zombie Apocalypse, the Rise of the Robots and World Dominion by Trans-alien Insectoids. When I call for testing Mayor John Cranley to see if he's really human, nobody pays any attention but his is just the first baby step (sorry, had to) towards the demise of human society.
I try to help. I want to help. I have seen & read so much science fiction & horror that I feel I really know how to move the world towards a free libertarian post apocalyptic place where hot sweaty chicks with torn clothing carry around assault rifles and shoot mutant / zombie like creatures. A world where Gothic architecture has come back into fashion & pterodactyls snatch howling children off the streets. A cloud locked world like in The Road.
oh well....

Should Cincinnati neighborhoods establish their own courts ?

In 13th to 16th & maybe 17th century Germany, it was pretty lawless if you went outside your nobleman's territory. The empire wasn't doing so hot in bringing these rogues to justice so a system of courts using lay judges was established, The Vehmic court or as Thomas Keightley referred to them in his 1837 book, Secret Societies of the Middle Ages, The Secret Tribunals Of Westphalia.
The lay judges would travel around, announce their presence & schedule a trial date and the townsfolk could bring their grievances to the court members who would subpoena the accused, sometimes with a document stuck to their door with a dagger, and hold hearings, then dispense justice. Sometimes it was repayment, sometimes, in lieu of a prison system, it was corporal but it was dispensed immediately. Finding a location with a good stout tree was handy for shade and in dealing with capital offenses.
I'm not suggesting the traveling show system but perhaps an extension of the Cincinnati Community Council system. Neighborhood parks could be used. The punishments would be public and send a clear message. Perhaps incarceration could be done using neighborhood recreation centers or, in more blighted neighborhoods, abandoned buildings.
This system could have two fold benefits. It would speed up the justice process and it would relieve the police & county courts of some of their burden, saving them time and money.
The 21st century affords us the opportunity to go all medieval. Besides bringing communities together, this could also be seen as a connection to our German heritage. It would simply be a win win solution for everybody. Well, almost everybody.

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The Indignation

While Blogging Isn't Cool will no doubt be snubbed by the pretenders at City Bleat (again), their petty jealousies only make me laugh.
Now, Cincy Magazine has snubbed Quimbob in their 2015 Power 100. 'The Tristate's most influential CEO's, politicians and civic leaders', indeed. Most of those guys tremble at the mention of my name. They bow before me in my top secret hidden lair floating invisibly over the Queen City ass they seek my advice and acceptance.
These silly muckraking publications know no honor nor do they show even basic respect.
Their time will come...

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We Can Save Our Malls

While watching the magnificent Mutant Girls Squad, I saw a possible way to our dying malls.Human SacrificeNo, not some weeping virgin clerk from Footlocker - a champion of the forces that have brought our once proud malls to their knees.
I propose we kidnap champions of the counterculture and have them engage in mortal combat with our valiant mall security forces. Champions of socialism, champions of urbanism, champions of small business, champions of ecommerce fighting to the death in our mall concourses. Once vanquished, our customers, clerks and maintenance personnel can gather and ritually feast on the champion. But not before he is skinned so he can be taxidermiated and put on display in a sacred spot in the mall, like the food court.
This will reinvigorate the shoppers and bring them back to the malls where they can bask in the pinball machine like environment, the bad service, and the mass produced merchandise that hails from exotic third world countries, made with love by barefoot little children.
This can work, brothers and sisters. This will be our destiny.

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Cosmic News

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The Culture of Lies

We are fortunate to have these truth tellers when the world is awash with ridiculous lies and fabrications of the Illuminati, CO   , & their alien overlords.
Folks, the MSM won't tell you this but every one of man's forays into space has been thwarted by the aliens that orbit the earth in cloaked flying saucers.
Just think for a minute MSM in numerology winds up being the number 9. Remember the Beatles song, "Revolution #9"? That was Paul McCartneys alien doppleganger trying to warn us - The Revolution WILL be Televised, but it won't be the real revolution, that's going to be broadcast in subliminal messages.
Can we wait for the reanimation, Walt Disney, master of the ancient sciences, Magick, to be revived from his cryogenically frozen state to lead us into victory over the dark forces that stand to engulf us and ultimately reduce 9/10 of the human race into being nothing more than slave batteries?
The time is now to immanentize the eschaton and take our rightful destiny.

Audacity of the Echo Hippie

The dewy eyed Millennial liberal, buoyed by his doting parents' praise & admiration has brought forth an obnoxious group of wet behind the ears saviours - The Echo Hippies.
Silly twits who actually believed their parents when they heaped praise upon them for wiping their own asses, are coming out of the woodwork to solve all the world's problems.
Marx spewing babes - unaware of real problems & their roots and unaware of people already working on the issue, some longer than the Echo Hippie started to draw breath are driving me up a wall.
They seem to disavow anybody over 30, anybody in a uniform, including clerical collars. OK, granted, that sounds familiar, but as I have aged, I have seen the merits of fogeys and I have come to respect the brightness of the yunguns.
When you storm in demanding stuff and don't even know its already there & already in place - that is what bugs me. Then, when they are challenged, they scream & cry foul.
It's so easy to just ask first, but these fucking, liberal little impertinent, screaming maggots are really starting to piss me off.
and, furthermore - get offa my lawn !!

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Drones Cross Rubicon
With the use of surveillance cameras on the rise, one has to wonder how can people ever sift through all the mind numbing footage of people milling around scratching their noses & texting their moms. The answer is ~ they're not. The current electronic surveillance is just the groundwork being laid by the pink moles of the percolating Robot Army. Obviously, the machines are better suited to digest all the boring info than the quivering flesh bags, but the fleshbags are much more at ease seeing their own install the core infrastructure that will eventually enslave them.
With the knowledge of who is better suited for manual labor as human/animal hybrids, being wetware or just human battery power, the Robot Army can more rapidly execute their morbid plans when they achieve critical mass.

For more on the plans to subjugate the Queen's Robot Enclave, check out The Fishwarp

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fuckin' Illuminati, maaaannnnnnn…….

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An Idea for Fort Washington Way
The Fishwarp asks, What's on deck? - Ideas wanted for space above FWW.

The city of Cincinnati is launching a national design contest to “connect the blocks” between downtown and The Banks residential/retail district rising on the riverfront.
A park? More stores, more bars? A Ferris wheel, perhaps?

How about gallows, guillotines, crucifixes and the age old stake, used by American Indians and Transylvanian noblemen for centuries? Folks could stroll though the area at sunset watching the silhouettes of writhing swaying scofflaws whose moans will blend into the cacophony of crows & crickets……
And thAt's not even taking into account the concession profits the city could reap at the public executions!

Here is fruit for the crows to pluck,

For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck,
For the sun to rot, for the trees to drop,
Here is a strange and bitter crop.

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A Stop Gap Solution
With the HamCo Sherriff predicting the the loss of 500 beds in the local jail, it might be time to start thinking of other ways to deal with the anti-social types. Tent jails have been suggested, home incarceration has been used. Slacking off on victimless crimes has been tried. There's always a debate on safety, punishment & rehabilitation & nobody seems to like my ideas on re-introducing torture, so maybe we should just go all Judge Dredd & commence to shootin'. It's not punishment I'm after here. It's safety. And while some might be leery of allowing police to kill perps without any real oversight - I think it's important to note this proposal is meant as a temporary measure till the Great Masters Romney & Kasich can wave their magic wands & return prosperity to the green and pleasant fields of America. Maybe sunset the plan in 2014?∃ ∀ ∈ ⊕

Kill the Poor

c'mon, GOP, drug testing is so 80s…..
We got morals now - values. NO immoral behavior by welfare & housing subsidy recipients should be tolerated. Combover's milquetoast Section 8 reform plan? amateur hour….
Look, we can ban porn, MTV & PBS on their TV sets. Why just drug tests? We can have random polygraph tests & question folks on their moral behaviour. Sex? Homo sex? Smoking? Drinking? Dancing?No Benefits For You !hell, these people should be cut off if they crack a smile. We can install smoke detectors & sound meters in the homes of welfare recipients. Smoking and loud sounds - music, fighting, laughter, should all be grounds to cancel benefits. Surfaces can be checked for bodily fluids to ascertain whether sex is being had. Prohibitions of contraceptives must be made and reports from abortion mills can be used to see if recipients might have murdered innocent potential free marketers.
20 hours of public service per week to receive benefits? Is that really what we want? Or do we want these recipients to go door to door apologizing for their failures & thanking the "taxpayers" for their largesse?
And, lets face it - these losers didn't get where they are by a virtuous life. Aid recipients should be required to attend and participate in government approved fundamentalist, evangelical, protestant churches of their choice.
There is no room for poverty in the richest nation on earth.

Creating Jobs & Eliminating National Debt Made Easy
To hell with all the pansy-ass hand wringing liberals & "cut it and they will come" neo-cons, here's how we fix Amerika.
Foreign debt? Easy & step 1 - tell 'em we aren't paying. Done. If they don't like it, we bomb 'em. Since they will either not do business with us because their nations are nuclear wastelands or they just don't like us not paying them, we will have to start making our own stuff. Necessity is the mother of invention doncha know? Our manufacturing base will take off overnight & we will have jobs & a booming economy again. raw materials? We just take 'em. The rest of the world will think we are so bat shit crazy-violent, they will let us take whatever we need. Problem solved - Amerika is proud and strong again.

All I Want for Christmas

Oh, I so wanted one of these when I was a kid. Now it would be the perfect accompaniment when sitting in the dark in the glow of the TV set while eating burnt frozen pizzas & grape Faygo. Not that the 1940s era office chair I use now is bad, but.....
This thing would command so much more respect from the spiders, roaches & centipedes that run across my feet as I watch local access cable and plot out my New Era of Empire.
mmmm
Now, where's that yeoman Rand clone ?

The Speech
Well, I gotta say, I am pretty disgusted. I had heard Baraq HUSSEIN O'Bama's speech to our precious children would be an attack on America & an attempt to soil their fragile minds with socialism, atheism, baby eating and bestiality.
Well, I watched it just to see how bad it would be. The camera was focused squarely on O'Bama so viewers could not see the inter-racial Satanic snuf-porn that was displayed to the students in attendance.
Mr O'Bama ! Last time I looked, The United States of America is NOT INdo-nesia !!
I don't know why you would demonize the American XBox and not the filthy nip Playstation except for that YOU HATE AMERICA !!!!!
and How Dare You tell my kids they can't be reality TV stars. My children can grow up to be anything they damn please because this is AMERICA, but, oh right - YOU HATE AMERICA, MR BARAK HUSSEIN OBAMA !!!!
And as for that foreign satanist bitch, JK Rawlings, how dare you sight that communist devil worshipper as some kind of example for my kids. We whipped those commie British wimps for a reason, MR BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA ! But since you AREN'T EVEN AN AMERICAN yourself, you wouldn't get that, would you ?!??!?!?
So are you teaching your children witchcraft MR BARACH HUSSEIN OBAMA? Sasha & Malia sound like witch names to me, SOVIET witch names, that is !
This is it ! This is the last straw !!
WHY WON'T YOU SHOW US YOUR PENIS ?!?!?
~sigh
I gotta admit, carrying on like a crazy-ass teabagger is pretty fun. I can see why those loons do it !
But, now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.....

The Enquirer's Censors
Now that the Fishwrap's censors have taken to routinely censoring my comments, I feel I must vindicate myself lest people think I am some foul mouthed yob.
As people who never ride the bus or go into downtown Cincinnati were ranting about the horrors of the bus & downtown, I felt it was time to shine a light on the media blackout of what actually happens on the buses in downtown Cincinnati.
My censored post:

When the buses get back to the garage at the end of a shift, all the blood is drained and distributed to the vampires that reside in the old subway tunnels.
The bodies are carted off and dumped into the Mill Creek.
The Metro drivers are not paid anymore due to budget restraints. They are required to fight other passengers and loot the corpses on the bus. To help in this they have been surgically altered with steel teeth, embedded razor claws and prosthetic chainsaws.

In case you were wondering, the vampires aren't the old Bram Stoker types - shunning garlic and crosses and stuff. They are the product of experiments in post nuclear survival that were done back during the cold war. They are more technically blood drinking radioactive mutants I guess.
Folks, white flight is a myth. the "lost tribe of Porkopolis" is either living underground or being murdered on the streets and buses of Cincinnati by NSA operatives working in league with Skull & Bones, the Rothschilds and the Illuminati (known locally as the Board of Directors of the Mercantile Library).
The streetcar plan is simply a new technology to drain the train (so to speak) through gutters alongside the tracks.
Folks, the truth must be told and the blackout by the Cincinnati.com admins who stalk the darkened hallways of the Fishwrap IT department gleaning horrible knowledge from the dark secrets their servers whisper to them will not, CAN NOT pull the wool over your eyes ! That is something only YOU can do.
While the one eyed, brain-eating, reptilian Venusians running the HamCoBOE may have thwarted my plans for a council seat, I pledge to bring Cincinnati out of the abyss and into the eternal light of true horror in my new Era of Empire one way or another !
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Memorial Day 1968

Since I can't run for political office on any kind of military experience, I guess I will have to rely on my juvenile paramilitary experience in the Boy Scouts.
At our next to last troop meeting, the scoutmaster walked out of the room and went and sat in the darkened dining room in the church basement. He smoked cigarettes and mumbled something to the effect o, "fuck it, let 'em do what they want, let it all go to hell, fuck it".
So, yeah, that's where I got my leadership training.

Campaign Diary
Day 5
OK, this isn't going well. BOE sez my patchwork signature forms aren't a problem but the fact I didn't get their blessing to pass out the forms was. Like I need to kiss their butt so I can represent you, my fellow citizens, in the bold New Era of Empire. heck, they want money too. What a racket......